When I was growing up, dinner was a time for our family to talk about what was going on in our lives, and in the world. Very often, when a question would come up, for example about the electoral college, my father would intone “Hand me please the Es”, and one of us would dutifully reach into the bookcase behind us and pull out the encyclopedia volume with the entry on the topic of the evening. Sometimes it was the dictionary rather than the encyclopedia if the meaning of a word was in question, but the one constant was the phrase “Hand me please the …”
Packed into those words, that simple phrase, were assumptions that held the conversation, and our family, together. There was faith that there was an answer to the question at hand, or at least information we didn’t already know. There was trust that the encyclopedia or dictionary would have that information. There was humility, a willingness to accept the notion that we had more to learn. There was a desire to learn more, and to learn it right now. All of that might be summed up in single word, curiosity. We were curious — explorers both willing and anxious to learn more about our world, and confident that we had a way to do that.
The books themselves were a marvel, a tool for not only satisfying curiosity but for provoking deeper curiosity. The dictionary started with the word’s root, showing how meaning transcends history and culture. It gave a definition and examples, and then synonyms to encourage precise usage. The very format said “Words matter.” The encyclopedia entries were straightforward, factual, and included lots cross-references. Oh boy, more to learn!
As we got older, we learned things in school that went beyond, or differed from, what was in the encyclopedia. But we continued to believe that truth was discoverable if we remained curious and persistent. What we learned around the dining room table were the building blocks of civic virtue, what citizens need to believe, and how citizens need to act in a constitutional democracy.
As a society, we have forgotten those lessons. Our civic dialogue is not civil; we have moved from curious to furious. We don’t want to be informed; we’d rather be affirmed. So, we don’t insist on verified facts, or even clear word usage. Everyone one wants to start their argument on third base, and then steal home.
When I recall my family dinners, I have to believe we can do better. The truth is out there. We may need to dig deeper than a single encyclopedia entry, but we can find it if we can start with agreed principles, and insist on speaking precisely, and gently, the way one might with a beloved brother or sister. Was what happened on January 6 an “insurrection?” Hand me please the I’s. Was the Russia investigation a “hoax?” Hand me please the H’s. You can argue whether the Mueller Report was right in its conclusions, but arguing about what the Mueller Report says should not be tolerated. “Hand me please the Mueller Report.”
At the core of our refusal to engage is an abandonment of the democratic values that undergird our union. Our Constitution intentionally builds conflict into our government. The majority rules, but only after the minority gets a hearing. We achieve steady progress through checks and balances. If we are not willing to engage, whether around the dinner table or in Congress, we no longer have a constitutional democracy. Do you seriously question that? Hand me please the D’s.
